…what can turn bad, will turn bad in the end. I think its one of Murphy's laws. Most of the time I think that this law is just a trick of our pessimistic mind, to prove its point - a self fulfilling prophecy. We consider things going bad even if they don't or we remember things that went bad more vividly. But sometimes everybody gets the idea of this law, yes is forced to believe that it has to be true.
For me, that day was shortly after I entered this company. It was shortly after the Admin Guy installed his brand new and shiny office automation system for light and door control and it was just getting usable. Nearly all the office workers had accepted the changes in their habits already and used the new and shiny buttons to control everything. Its amazing how technology can improve your life and make things easier. But there is a cause for me saying “nearly all”… I guess I never told you about the guys in office 2.11? These people think they have the ultimate truth, when all they have is a mere impression what they are talking about. I have to run some tasks for them every now and then and they - well - redefine stupidity every time I see their papers. I often wonder if its just because its the usual insanity of a marketing department or if its this particular people. I just can't figure out what its about: But anyway… they managed to deprogram their office automation node that day. That node controls light, door locks, air condition and heating of their whole corridor. The door lock systems of the office doors also control the telephony systems for the offices and the telephony system is coupled with the time control. The things that happened on that day led to half the marketing getting fired:
There is no way of failing that is not actively exercised in office 2.11. That sums it up pretty well. On that particular day, I was running errands for these guys again. I went over their numbers and figures and had some questions to ask. According to their calculations, some upcoming product launch would yield costs of about twice our yearly volume of sales. I knew there had to be some error, because I went over the figures almost ten times. This product launch - if committed as calculated - would have ruined our company. I left my office, heading for Office 2.11 and walked in. Instead of greeting, one of the marketing guys just said “Will you close the door already? The air conditioning tries to work here.” .. and really, it was damn cold in that office. I admit, that on a hot day like that, a chilly office would be quite relieving, but these people seemed to be desperately trying to produce their very own ice age. Because I was about to ruin their day, I was kind enough to close the door. I had no idea, that this would be an error, that would also ruin my day.
“I went through your project report”, I started my sermon, “and I discovered something … again.”. Saying that, I could watch about ten faces turn from “bored” to “pretty pissed”. “What is it that time? Did we misspell a product name again?”, someone asked from behind his screen in a terribly annoyed tune. “Well, no, more like 'You guys screwed up the whole project pretty badly'. There are huge discrepancies with your calculation of costs… you are about to spend maybe 40 times your budget on on-line advertising, if this is correct.”. With the ending of my sentence, most of the guys turned back to their screens and started to click on well known web pages again… at least it seemed that way to me. Its very annoying, if you know you are right and you feel rejected by the people who are wrong in such an arrogant and discrediting way. I decided to keep standing there, until someone listened. And so I stood there for about five minutes, listening to these people moaning and yawning and surfing the web. When I was just about to start attempt two on “getting marketing attention”, the door to the neighbor office opened, and the marketing supervisor walked in. “What a pleasant surprise!”, he sarcastically shouted in my direction. “Miss 'You are doing it wrong', what can the marketing department do, to save the day?”. I am patient… very patient, especially with people that I know. If I was not, that would have been the moment, to beat that guy down, seriously. His left hand in his pocket, he held a small box-like device in his right, waving it around, while he was talking. Some wires were looking out of that box and it didn't look like it was still intact.
Without waiting for an answer, he turned to his office-workers and began talking, like some warlord: “My fellow colleagues! The day has finally come, that will lead to our final victory over the slavery and imprisonment, that came over us from way below!”. I started to think that I knew that box he was holding. “No longer will there be a minimum office temperature of 24 degrees Celsius! No longer will our smoking registered by the demonous smoke detection and sprinkler system. We, my fellow colleagues, will arise from our dungeon and live on, logged in forever in the time-control!”. While he was ending his speech, he was holding up high his right hand, showing the device to his 'fellow colleagues' like a trophy. The only thing drawing a fine line between this scene and a terribly bad horror movie was, that there was no thunder. And then it came to me, where I knew that device from… It was the office automation control panel, that the Admin mounted in every corridor.
There was some applause from the audience and everything went back to normal, when the supervisor left the office… at least I thought. I was just about to start my second complaint, when one of the guys jumped up from his chair. “I will kill that guy, I swear! Today, if I have to!”, he shouted, sounding even more annoyed than usual, when I was near. “What's up Greg?”, one of his colleagues responded. “That Admin… the telephony system is down AGAIN!”. He seemed furious. Some colleagues picked up their phones and discovered, that they were not working either. “Perhaps you should ask your boss… that box he was holding was..”, I tried to explain. “Yeah.. the air condition controller… what's with that? We are perfectly fine without it. What the hell does this have to do with my telephone, Miss Perfect?”. He felt so high above me, that I wouldn't have been able to see him without a spyglass. “I have two words for you… 'Office' and 'Automation'. Jerk!”. I was about to open the door, when I noticed, it wouldn't open. I heard laughter from behind me and one of the office workers rushed to help me. “You can't even do that right? Pathetic. Let me help you!”, he said extremely self assured and enthusiastically ran into the closed door. Laughter arouse once again from his colleagues. He rushed back to his chair, holding his bleeding nose. “Well, yes, that was easy.”. I could not resist, returning the favor, and as well I felt like going postal over these guys. They were just to … marketing, to even have a brain.
“You Jerks still don't get it, huh? YOUR Boss just wrecked a few weeks of work by tampering with the office automation. He also broke down telephony and door lock control.”, I finally lost all patience, “Does ANYONE have a cell?”. The crowd went silent. I hadn't noticed the supervisor, who had silently listened to me, accusing him of doing something wrong: “This time, my lady… THIS time you went way too far. I'll call your supervisor right away. Unlike YOU, WE are WORKING here.”, he shouted. In his voice were years of suppressed guilt, as he was leaving the office like a hurt rooster, murmuring: “Accusing me… she won't walk away this time.”.
He was right in a way - I could not leave, but he also could not call my supervisor. “I will call the Admin from my cell.”, one of the marketing-jerks said, “I have his extension in my address book to call him, when my PC at home hangs again.”. Lifting an eyebrow, I turned away, facing the wall. I had to look at something less boneheaded than these guys. I heard him put the call on speaker: “This is the administrative helpline for people that are not supposed to call me. Press 'one' to hang up, any other key to listen to Rick Astley”. The announcement was swelling of sarcasm and I could not resist to smirk as the call was really hung up after the marketing guy pressed 'one'. “Asshole”, he grouched, throwing his phone on the table.
Moments later, it knocked on the door. “Hello?!” a craven voice sounded through the door. “Finally, Mr. Asshole appears on the stage…”, some of the guys said. “Paula? Are you in there?”, the voice of the Admin was now clearly recognizable. “Yes, I am… Is there some way to get me out of here? Maybe fast? These people are…”, I kept myself from saying what I felt. “I know.”, he said, “They just dismantled the whole office automation system by removing their controller. The building is in 'lock down'… I don't even remember, writing that failsafe code.”. He sounded as annoyed as the marketing guys: “Miss Big Boss is trapped in her office with two customers, and the air condition system there is certain to keep the temperature of that room at 50 degrees Celsius. She wants to talk to Mr. Marketing right now, so I am coming to get him out of here and into her office.”. Smirking would be the wrong word for what I wanted to do.
It took him about an hour to override door security and free me from this prison of insanity. While the marketing supervisor went to have his talk with “Miss Big Boss” where he got fired along with 5 people who desperately demanded the disassembly of the air condition controlling device, the Admin got me a blanket and a cup of coffee. “Freezing cold in there…”, I said, as he was wrapping the blanked around me. “Yeah… I am sorry. This feature was not meant to target you.”. I got the rest of the day off and sat with my Admin in his office in the cellar. We badmouthed the marketing and drank coffee until I got tired.
Ask me. It was worth it. Some bad guys in marketing got fired and I got some hours with the most amazing coworker of mine. He wouldn't tell me, though, how he managed to redirect that marketing guy's phone to this announcement and something he said, is stuck in my mind and I can not quite understand it: “May you and the Fixation unit in office 2.11 have some time to rest now…”. Many mysteries remain about that person and his work, but I like him.